Advice to Myself Addressing Anger

**names have been changed to protect those involved**

Dear Mini-Me,
There are a few things about anger that I want to share with you. First is that you are going to be angry, and that is okay. Holding back ager isn't healthy. I wish that I could tell you that everything is going to be alright. but, that would be the biggest lie I ever told. You are going to get angry; you are human. The second thing that I want to tell you is that you need to communicate this anger somehow. A big mistake that I've made is keeping my feelings to myself. But in doing this I bottle myself up like a shaken can of soda, and eventually someone tried to open the can. So... be angry. There are healthy ways to show your anger. A way is to write about it (this is my favorite way). By writing about your anger you can really take it out on the page. Use red marker, use fowl words. No one else will read it. The third and probably most important thing about anger that i need to tell you is that even though you deserve to be angry at Kevin and Sarah and even your father, you have to forgive them. forgiveness is an important part of the healing process and you will never be able to heal from how they hurt you if you don't forgive them for the terrible things they've done. now that I've had my rant I wish you the best of luck.
with new love,
me.

I am a Lion

I will not be an old lady lying on my death bed saying that I wish I had a full back tattoo of rainbows and peacocks dancing under the moon. I will not be that lady saying I wish I colored my hair a million colors of crazy reds and golds and blues that drew the attention of every eye in the room because I was crazy enough to bend the social norm. I will not be wishing I had traveled the world; to the rolling hills of Ireland or the jungles of Africa. And I will definitely not be lying at deaths door regretting that I didn't marry the girl I loved because the world told me I couldn't. I will be that old lady happy with the good and the bad, the love and the losses, the experiences and the feeling that I was lucky enough to be a part of it. I do not care for what society thinks, I have lived once and I do not care. I will have my bad days and my good days because after all I am human and of this life I cannot fathom what we are here for. For the better and the worse I will experience it all. I am the power and the one to be in charge of me. And as in the words of Counting Crows: I am a child of fire, I a am a lion, I have desires and I was born inside the sun this morning.

The Familiar Stranger

The familiar stranger stares back at me,
Wondering if I can see.
I know her eyes, her nose her smile,
But together I don't recognize the face.
I don't remember that sun-kissed skin.
I don't remember that bleached blonde hair.
I don't remember that glowing self confidence.
But, I know her eyes, her noes, her smile.
A familiar stranger.
I feel like I should recognize her,
but something has changed.
She is not the same girl from before.
She is no longer a ghost,
She is no longer dark haired,
She is no longer afraid.
But still those eyes, that noes, that smile.
A familiar stranger.
The familiar stranger smiles back at me,
She waves hello, as I do too.
I like the change, it's something new.
Now I can finally see,
The familiar stranger is me.

How Do You Show Your Pain?

Some show their pain with a swipe at the wrist,
While others prefer a throw of the fist.
Some show their pain with an empty bottle,
While others prefer to hit the road full throttle.
Some show their pain with a puff and a drag,
While others prefer to bitch and nag.
Some show their pain with fun from a whore,
While others prefer to eat more and more.

But others? Others like me?
I prefer the company of an old oak tree
Under which I write words and melody
That make me feel unburdened and free.
That is how i show my pain,
By writing it out again and again.
Some find writing to be mundane,
For me its shows my hurt, but more humane.

And you? I only have one simple favor to ask,
Don't show your pain with a silent fast;
Don't show it with a tilted flask;
But please don't hide your pain behind a mask.

Show the world and teach it too,
To control the pain that burdens you.
Become someone completely new
Who has something to hold onto.

Commitment to Life

I stopped living when I was 16. Years before my first suicide attempt; months before the first inkling of self harm ever crept into my body. I stopped living because of a boy. A boy I had trusted; befriended; and loved. A boy who tore me down to believe I was ugly, worthless, and above all, unloveable. For years I hated myself for everything I "let" him say to me. I wallowed in self pity and low self esteem and didn't do anything about it. Even while in treatment I ignored the base of my issues, the root of the cause.

Until now. Now I am willing to make a commitment to life. I will commit to staying away from life threatening/harmful behaviors. In the past I have had a history of self harming in place of healthy coping skills.
But, I commit to practicing healthy coping skills like Daventry, pace breathing, and self soothes. I commit to staying focused and engaged in session instead of withdrawing when I feel threatened or vulnerable.
I commit to lessening my use of "I don't know" statements by taking the time to think and process the difficult concept that has been handed to me instead of immediately shooting it down defensively.
I commit to completing my homework in a timely manner.
I commit to keeping a job commitment. In the past it has been very difficult for me to get to work every shift. But, i commit to going to work in order to earn money to save up so I can move out.
I commit to standing up for myself.
 I commit to not lying to gain social approval. I used to "tell tall tales" in order to get people to like me.
I commit to becoming healthier.
I commit to accepting compliments.
 I commit to saying "I love you" to friends and family.

I commit to smiling.